Pensive thoughts of tonight

I haven't posted in a while. My mind has been drawing a blank since school began but i feel like I'm more productive. Then I thought tonight, is that worth it? Is being physically productive worth it if your not doing it for any reason? I feel as if I'm working merely to satisfy those demanding it from me. There's no self gain involved for me, I wasn't doing it with God in mind, I'm not learning anything. Was the work of my hands for any real definable reason? In my heart right now, I'd say no. Its kinda like I'm just on this journey for the ride right now. I'm watching things fly by but there's no spirit for me. I'm not feeling satisfied with whats happening.

I'd rather work without the gain of knowledge right now. School is so cleche'd to me. I would just rather do physical labor and not bother with anything.

I'm also strangely content with a lack of relationship. I haven't felt the want of a girlfriend at all lately and I know right now my heart isn't really filled with God in place of that. I'm very confused. I'm not lonely like I have been lately. Now that I think about it, I've been feeling a void of any emotion since school began. Perhaps this is connected to my emotional crazyness. Maybe I've lost any emotions I might have had as sort of a drain of emotional stress. I really have no clue. I'm just confused. Any prayer would be appreciated.

-T-Klop-



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