Sleepless and thoughtful

I cannot sleep tonight. So far at least. Right now your like "Ok thats fine. Happens all the time." Well, the difference about tonight is the significance of tomarrow. The first day of school. I've been DREADING tonight. Absolutely dreading it. I'm always like this the night before school. I try to milk what I've got left and keep the day going. So, I'm hyper when I'm supposed to be going to sleep. Paired up with THAT, I'm also experiencing massive anxiety. I don't know if this is fearful anxiousness or excitement, but the fact remains that it keeps me from my sleep!

The dumb thing about this is that I always expect it to be a lot worse than it really is. I KNOW I do that but yet something inside me doesn't want to let go of the feeling of self pity I suppose. How selfish is that?! lol. Right now blogging about it is the only thing I could think to do. Seeing my thoughts fly by on a screen really gives me the feeling of self-awareness I've so been longing lately.

Now, down to some other thoughts on the brain. If you've been keeping track of the past 2 posts, I'm suffering from a severe case of not knowing myself. By this I mean emotions. Sad I know. However, tonight I did some thinking during my prayer session with God and began realizing that, the problem of emotional mix-up isn't the base problem. What resides at the core of my issues is my heart. I haven't been doing the things I should really be doing to help myself in this situation. I should've been asking God for help the whole time! When me and my youth pastor Alan had lunch the other day, he asked me how often I'd been spending with God and how often I've been reading my Bible. I hadn't really thought about THAT. I sheepishly responded "no." AHA! now we're getting somewhere! How am I supposed to expect God to help me if I don't ask for his help or go looking for it in the word? I was just expecting it to get better by itself! How stupid am I?! Right now you're sarcastically responding to yourself with something immature and hilarious. Am I right? lol Well, I'm slowly on the road to recovery I'm hoping and I'll update my status on the situation. If all you reading this would kindly pray for me and keep me in your thoughts, I'd highly appreciate it. Thank You so much and God Bless!

-T-Klop-



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